In games like Dead or Alive or Soul Calibur, I’m amazed that the female pugilists don’t give themselves black eyes with the amount of movement going on. They don’t even need to perform energetic actions to put them into motion – just a gently paced stroll is usually enough to set them off. From fighting games to action adventures, even horrors, if there are women in them you can rest assured that their boobs will bounce and jiggle with a mesmerising amount of life. I always tend to wonder if well-endowed ladies in videogames wear bras, too. I’m doing you a favour here by highlighting their heinous depiction in videogames.

Boobs and nipples are fun no matter their shape or size. Honestly gamers, it’s in your best interests for game developers to stop filling your heads with lofty expectations. Coming, like boobs, in all shapes and sizes, many a gamer will be left in awe as the stark realisation sets in that their favourite videogames have been lying to them all these years. Perhaps the biggest surprise for them will be nipples – real, actual nipples that most boobs in videogames seem to be bereft of. They’re always so perfectly shaped and pert – when your average boob-ogling gamer finally gets to see a real pair they’ll more than likely be disappointed by what’s in front of their eyes. She’s just asking for trouble.Īnother issue I have with big bouncy boobs in videogames is that they give unrealistic expectations to hopeful gamers. My estimation is that the original Lara Croft was about 25% tits – that’s way too high a breast-to-body mass ratio for rock climbing without safety gear etc. I mean, take Lara Croft prior to her more reasonably proportioned reboot – her back would have been under catastrophic pressure from the bad boys hanging on to her chest for dear life, and she certainly wouldn’t have been able to pull off most of the acrobatic shit she apparently does with ease. Now, I’m sure oversized boobs float many peoples’ boats, but I’m frequently just left wondering what kind of back problems the characters attached to them probably have. In some cases, angry, even.įor a start, more often than not they’re ridiculously large.

That’s right, big bouncy videogame boobs sometimes leave me confounded. When it comes to videogames, however, whilst the prospect of a bit of titillation is always alluring, the boobs presented on screen often just perplex me. As such, I of course find myself inexplicably drawn to the wonders of boobs – the two mounds of flesh adorning the female form that are way more entertaining than they deserve to be. Now, whilst I don’t drink lager or give two shits about football, I’m still your typical red-blooded man.

Dead or alive 6 boobs